Your Question
Do you think it is all right to still be a virgin in today’s world – even at the age of 24?
My Answer
I think it’s all right to be any way you want in today’s world! As long as you’re happy being a virgin, then it’s fine! No one should feel pressured to behave in any way they don’t choose for themselves.
Hope this helps!
Your Question
My husband says he wishes I would initiate sex more, but I don’t feel very desirable or sexy what can I do?
My Answer
If your husband wishes you’d initiate sex more, obviously he thinks you’re desirable and sexy! What you need to ask yourself is why you don’t. Why are you so insecure about yourself? Do you need to do something to boost your self-esteem? Is there some part of yourself that doesn’t want to feel sexy and desirable? Or deep down inside doesn’t want to have sex with your husband, or anyone for that matter? It seems to me the answer lies within yourself. Perhaps you should speak confidentially to a counselor who can help you sort your feelings out. In the mean time, the best policy is always to be honest and open with your mate, and let him know how you feel so that he doesn’t think you don’t desire him. Perhaps he can help you feel better about yourself.
Hope this helps!
Your Question
I am an 18 year old female who is very sexually active with my boyfriend. We are both very attracted to each other, and have great sex every time. We are very honest, open and supportive with our opinions about each other’s bodies. The only problem is, is that he likes to talk dirty to me. I love it, but I want to be able to do it to him too. Sometimes when it takes him longer to have an orgasm, long after I have had a round two, he tells me to talk dirty to him because it helps. I get shy or embarrassed, or don’t know what to say or what it is exactly. If you know of any websites where I can find women actually talking dirty, it would be a big help. Thank you.
My Answer
Yes, talking dirty can be very exciting to both you and your partner, and it can also be embarrassing due to lingering feelings of guilt and shame about our sexuality. Even if we think we no longer suffer from such guilt and shame, it somehow creeps up on us and rears its ugly head in ways such as you describe. And guilt and shame are indeed the basis for such discomfort over something as natural and fun as “talking dirty”. You might want to examine your own hidden feelings of sexual guilt, really ask yourself what it is you feel embarrassed about. Obviously your boyfriend is not making you feel that way. It has to be old voices in your head that have lingered from messages you received from your parents or your religion or someone who had an influence on you. These are often hidden in our subconscious, surprising us when they arise.
Ask your boyfriend what kinds of things turn him on. Maybe play with sexy talk outside the bedroom as a silly game, making it easier to talk and laugh about. Then you’ll have something to go on when you’re really in bed.
Finally, you might try reading erotica together to see what sorts of things arouse him and make a mental note for yourself. And reading certain passages aloud might also be a way for you to get comfortable “speaking” in sex talk.
Remember, nothing is dirty or bad between mutually consenting adults who care for and respect each other. Sounds like you’ve got a great thing going that can only get greater!
Hope this helps!
Posted in: Ask Candida Archive