Your Question
I am writing to you about a fantasy I have. I would like to probe my husband anally, but I don’t know how to approach him with this. Please help.
My Answer
I would suggest that you let it “happen” gradually, subtly, and certainly gently! It’s always good to look for signs as to what our partners like. What do they seem to respond to? Do they like it when we touch them in a certain place or a certain way? Do they seem to moan in pleasure or show other visible signs of being excited? It’s important to pay attention to signals like this to learn what they like. Have you tried lightly touching your husband’s anus during love play to see how he reacts?
I would suggest gently and slowly moving there during love play to see how he responds. The area between a man’s scrotum (balls) and his anus is very sensitive and pleasurable, so you could start there and slowly move your fingers toward his anus to see how he responds. Then you might get your fingers wet and just gently touch and play with his anus. If he seems comfortable or even turned on you can begin by very gently inserting just one finger (be careful of those nails!) If you’re performing fellatio you could gently run your tongue along his anus to see how reacts. If you’re concerned about cleanliness you can always suggest a bubble-bath or a shower together before making love.
Men can be very sensitive about anal play, fearful that it might challenge their “manliness”, so it’s important to be sensitive to his feelings. However, if he is open to letting you play there you could open up worlds of pleasure he never knew. Some men aren’t into anal play at all, but the ones that are claim it’s amazing. Their prostate, which is just up inside their anus, is a source of great pleasure when stimulated. But again, it’s important to be gentle and sensitive to his signals of pleasure or resistence. If he’s insecure about it assure him it turns you on and it has no reflection on his sexuality other than that he’s open to trying new things. If you get all the way to inserting something other than your finger, be very careful, gentle, use plenty of lube, and make sure it’s a toy with a handle so it doesn’t get lost up there!
For more information on this topic, refer to chapter 10 in my book, “How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do” – “The Grand Finale, the Anus and Men’s G-spot”.
Good luck! He’s lucky to have a wife who’s so open to trying new things!
Hope this helps!
Your Question
My girlfriend and I are experimenting with anal intercourse, but we keep hitting a couple of snags (i.e. we are having trouble finding the right lubricant). Do you have any suggestions?
My Answer
While Tristan Taormino, author of “The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex”, prefers Astroglide, others prefer thicker lubes such as Probe, Liquid Silk and Maximus. These are all water-based. Others still prefer silicone-based lubes for anal play because they never dry out of get sticky. Two popular brands are EROS and ID. Just don’t use them with silicone toys and be careful about using them in the tub as they will stay slippery.
As to making it an enjoyable experience, the first thing is the woman had better be very turned on. This helps her loosen up and be more receptive. Plenty of lubricant is important. And your patience and sensitivity is important. Also, deep breathing. You should start by inserting one finger, then two, and so on as she gets comfortable and used to the feeling of being entered anally. When you first enter her with your penis, you should just stay there and let the outer muscles loosen up as she adjusts to accommodate you. To let you in deeper she should take a deep breath as that loosens the muscles. Then just be very careful and very tender, and if there’s any hint of pain or discomfort, stop. Also, it is absolutely imperative that you not go from the anus directly back into the vagina as this is very likely to cause an infection. Good luck and enjoy!
Hope this helps!
Posted in: Ask Candida Archive